Can You Sit With Your Fear?

So many of us run kicking and screaming away from fear. We feel it, it freaks us out, and we turn away to go right back to doing whatever it was that was safe and secure, or stay with whomever it was that makes us feel comfortable.

Mountaineering and, even more so now, entrepreneurship has forced me to face my fears head on. And I’ve realized it’s a quality that is not recognized or lauded as much as being “fearless” – giving the impression of having no fear at all.  Being fearless is the AMAZING quality that’s highlighted again and again as valued above so much else in our culture.

Obviously, I’m not advocating running toward an avalanche, jumping out of a plane without a parachute or leaving a perfectly good job without some sort of plan…but if you think about the potential reward, could it just maybe be worth it to face your fear?

Can you sit with fear? Feel it in your bones? Let it give you goose bumps? What if you really examined your fear instead of running away from it?

My biggest fear is financial insecurity. Hands down. I don’t come from money, have very little living family, and have been self-sufficient since the age of 17. I am far more afraid of being broke than I am of anything I face in the mountains or in the spotlight.

The margins in the adventure travel business are low and the business challenges are high (permits, staffing, natural disasters, government shutdowns, etc), and I have not yet been able to pay myself a salary for running the company. The financials are on steep upward trajectory which is great, but there are still bills from the last 3 years to be paid.  My biggest and best option is selling my home which has appreciated since I bought in May 2012 and cashing out the equity.

I have been ruminating on this for MONTHS. Just tossing and turning and flipping the idea over and over. I could not come to a decision because it felt like giving up on part of my dream of creating the lifestyle I envisioned here in Bend.

However, I had an illuminating conversation with my friend, Kevin, when I was telling him about all of my big dreams and goals for 2016 – giving a TedX talk, scouting Ethiopia for Call of the Wild, climbing Mt Noshaq in Afghanistan with local women, and climbing Everest. Selling the house could help me keep the business dream alive and accomplish ALL of those things.

Then Kevin innocently asked me one key question, “What’s holding you back?” I only had a one word answer for him, “Fear.”

Fear of becoming homeless and a ‘bag lady.’ 

 Fear of never being able to qualify for a home loan again. 

 Fear of not knowing where I’ll be living in a month or two. 

 Fear of giving up on my dream vision. 

 Fear of feeling like a failure because I could not get COTWA profitable enough to sustain me financially. 

 Earth shattering, soul quaking fears for me.

But once I uttered that word, “Fear,” as my response, it made me realize that that was a completely bullshit reason for holding myself back from the potential reward on the other side of facing my fear. It became so blazingly obvious what I needed to do.

The wheels are now in motion.  The house is going up on the market. I’m making some last minute improvements and the roofers are banging on the ceiling as I type.

What could you potentially be accomplishing if you sat with your fear and REALLY examined it???